this book made me sad
sometime this month, i finished reading ragged company by richard wagamese. the book is about a group of displaced people finding their idea of a home. one of the characters is an ojibwe woman, which was something i wanted to learn about. i chose this book as part of my annual reading challenge, and i wanted to read about indigenous peoples in canada — for no real reason.
it took me a while to get through it, to no fault of the writing. mostly a combination of being busy and practicing poor time management. the book follows the perspective of its main characters. like game of thrones. or the bible, i guess.
ragged company started slow with a lot of exposition because of the ensemble of characters, but once it picked up pace, i found it difficult to stop. i wanted to keep going and learn more about the sad lives of these fictional characters. not for some sick, sad porn consumption reason. i guess a huge part of me just wanted to be sure they'd make it out alright.
i guess another reason i picked up the book was that the characters were joined by their love for watching movies. they'd watch one and then talk about it. and it's probably dumb, but i like watching movies and then talking about it with gf after.
halfway through the book, i’m faced with even more exposition for each of the characters. and a lot of it made me sad, even though the book ended relatively happy. as happy as it could be, i guess.
mostly, i’m sad about the idea of having more than you ever dreamt of — and still wanting more. it’s an idea i’ve been struggling with recently, a thought at the back of my head. having a house and not feeling at home. surrounded by people you love and yet, somehow, still lonely.
i know this isn’t some newfound sentiment. and i know others probably feel this a lot worse than i do. but how depressing.
but really, mostly, i felt sad realizing that a book about a group of people gaining something is really about loss. loss of a lot of things. culture, family, loved ones, the self. these people won the lottery, and i know… i know. money doesn’t buy happiness.
but goddamn. you’d think it could buy some things.
i don’t know. i guess i just didn’t think the quote was so literal. and i guess i just want some proof of the opposite. an objection to the quote.