being home alone sucks
it's especially doubly sucky when you're used to having someone else with you in the house. but i think the worst thing about being home alone, aside from the obvious and inevitable loneliness if you're left on your own long enough, is forgetting how to be.
that probably sounds more dramatic than it needs to be, but what i mean is, every time i'm home alone, i don't really speak unless my girlfriend calls. i've realized that even when i game or watch youtube videos, when i would normally talk or utter side comments with my girlfriend in the room, i'm entirely silent when home alone.
i don't know why that is. makes me think of how i act and behave in normal circumstances, and how it's probably, dreadfully, all performative.
anyway, my point is, being home alone for too long, when i've gotten so used to having my girlfriend around, is kind of weird. feeling isolated and lonely is for sure — a given, really. but it is kind of weird.
nowadays, it's not so bad, because our cats are just downstairs, and i talk to them. but it still does feel weird hearing my own voice and not in the context of a conversation with people.
i'm just rambling because i've been home alone the past two days, but i'll be fine, as i always am, because she's coming back home tomorrow, and i won't have to think about how my voice sounds when i'm alone and when i'm not, or why it feels weird to be home alone at all.
just makes me think that humans aren't meant to be alone for long periods, i don't think.