i fucking hate that maroon5 song
i dont know the title it’s not sunday morning and it’s not she will be loved.
i was just lying in bed and suddenly remembered the tune. i dont even know the words.
the reason i hate it is because when i was graduating high school as part of the graduation ceremony they got a choir made of younger students to sing that maroon5 song and to this day i dont understand why it had to be that song. it has nothing to do with high school or graduation or even growing up. i hated it before and i still hate it now.
i guess because i wanted my high school graduation to feel more meaningful as a memory and that stupid song makes it feel like a kiddy party instead. or a really corny wedding, i don’t know. i hate it.
it made me realize that a lot of things in life feel meaningful for no reason. or that i wanted some of them to be meaningful for no reason. like me finishing high school meant anything.
i think the worst thing about it was the realization that my life wasn’t over. like it just kept going. i thought being apart from friends i spent years with would be a more devastating blow. or something dramatic like that. some of these friends i’d known for a decade. thats formative years. but we just kept going. it just kept going on. life keeps going on.
i thought finishing film school was going to feel meaningful. that it was going to feel like i was finishing something. something that’s like high school but more important or more meaningful.
i guess i just thought things would feel more final whenever they finished. like all the blood, sweat, and tears would be worth it. or be meaningful. but it’s literally just a monday. or a tuesday. or a friday.
it just never ends. there’s never that sense of completion. of meaningful finish.
a lot of people are scared and creeped out by the deep sea and outer space because they never end.
sometimes i feel like my life is my outer space. that every time i think i’ve touched the end of something it just keeps going. and i don’t mind, but where does it end. where does the finality start.
i’ve lost both my grandmothers. one pre-covid and one post-. i watched a kitten gf and i fed for months die one morning and we were sobbing and i was just happy he wasn’t alone and he wasn’t going alone. and i guess that’s one way of achieving finality or completion but that’s not my finality. it’s theirs.
i guess i just thought that high school ending was supposed to feel like the end of my life. or film school. or moving out of the first apartment we lived in together.
it just keeps going on. and i can feel sad and upset about things ending but it just keeps going and i’m supposed to just adjust over time. and time just keeps going.
fuck maroon5 and that stupid song.
i just remembered it’s called daylight. stupid fucking song.